My Artist Journey: A Turn of Events
Nobody could’ve convinced me that this would be my story. Often times, when we perceive success, we see the outside of a beautiful home but never see the absolute destruction that is happening inside. That’s exactly how I’d explain that season of my life.
When I first came home from college for quarantine, I was down to 96 lbs, hated the body I was in, talked to myself poorly and struggled to see purpose in my life. I began painting as a way to cope with the discomfort of my emotions. I was too insecure to post myself the way I had when I lived comfortably within my own body, so I began to post something else: my art.
That wasn’t necessarily comfortable for me either. Posting my artwork was terrifying, actually. But the way I saw things, I was already in such discomfort in other facets that I didn’t believe it could possibly get much worse from there. And I was right. The oddly beautiful thing about hitting rock bottom is that you have no place to go but upwards.
Now, this wasn’t luck but intention. This was the only part of my life I felt I had an ounce of control over so I did my best to use that to my advantage. I was purposeful in what I created, and even how/when I would share those creations. I put myself on a schedule, created a strategy and surrendered the rest to God’s control.
I’ve learned that while I had no clue where I was going, God knew all along where he was taking me. All he was waiting for was for me to surrender control and trust His plan. He used creating to teach me how to love myself again. It provided me the quiet time and space to talk to myself, to dig deep, to cry hard, and to pour into my relationship with Him. I am so blessed to see how He’s rebuilt me from the inside out, all while affording me to do what I love He did so.