Twenty Times: Vol. 1

This section isn’t formal. It’s just a compilation of what runs through my mind, much of which I credit to going through my my twenties (21 to be exact). Will it become a monthly series? Only God knows. The need to be consistent tends to suck the fun out of art for me, so we’ll just have to see. Anyways, welcome to this specially curated spread for goes through my head.

College is a Scam: But Im Too Scared To Drop Out

Im terrified, actually. Embarrassingly enough, I’m terrified of what others would think but I am also terrified because I doubt myself. If I were to drop out, it’d be to become a full time artist.

I guess the only upside of attending college at this point is that it provides me with structure of some sort. I’m scared that if I drop out and really take art serious, I will fail because I don’t have enough structure in my day to day life. I cant even discipline myself enough to eat breakfast everyday.

So what’s gonna happen when I decide that I want to be a full time artist and my livelihood depends on creating? Creating out of obligation feels aboriginal, it feels insincere and I never want to create just because I need to push new content. I did that for the first half of 2021 and it started off feeling good because I was being consistent. Eventually however, I realized that what I was creating had no real meaning to me and I spiraled. I’m just now recovering from that last spiral but it cost me. It cost me sales, my mental health, motivation and my brand, in ways.

In theory, creating is what I want to do for a living. Creating fuels me… or creating purposefully, I should say. But there are times I get confused, times I feel burnt out, times I spiral, times I lack inspiration and consequently, motivation. And it feels like I cant afford to spiral and be confused or burnt out if I want to be a full time artist.

So I’ll just go ahead and graduate from Howard and pray that I somehow figure this whole artist thing out.

The Secret To Creativity: Finding God

I’d say I’ve always known God. I grew up in a Christian household and took on the same beliefs as my own. I’m in the process of getting to know God outside of who my dad told me He was. I’ve always believed in incorporating God into my everyday life but it had never really crossed my mind to bring Him into my creative process until recently. I began praying for God to help me find inspiration and to see life differently. It feels like now, I can find inspiration through anything. Theres a deeper beauty to creation when you realize someone else contributed to creating it. I’m beginning to see God in everything. (To be clear, to see God in everything does not mean to believe everything is God)

I talk to God while I create now. Not necessarily prayer but just conversation, the way you would speak to a close friend. I ask him to allow me to see things I may not normally see and to even take me where he wants to take me. The next time you create, I challenge you to incorporate God into that process. There cant be any harm in trying. just see what it does for you.

Why Having To Work In Order To Survive Is Absolutely Absurd

It just is and I don’t want to have to do it.

Poll of the Day: Do I Have Any Idea Where My Career is Going?

Absolutely not. I wing it. Every. Single. Day. One morning I wake up wanting to be a digital illustrator. The next, I want to learn how to create merchandise and packaging mock ups. A month from then, I’ll get the genius idea to create a series of type font posters.

I went from calling myself a graphic designer to digital designer, to a digital illustrator all within a year (yes, there are differences). If there’s one thing Ive learned, it’s that every time I give myself a label, I end up regretting it. Specific titles make me feel boxed in and I hate feeling boxed in. So I guess Im just a creator.

I want to design home goods, I want to design clothing, I want to make prints and posters, I want to do everything. So I have no idea where this is going to take me because I don’t just have one interest. I’m a multidisciplinary artist. All I know is that I love to try different projects and I hate doing the same thing over and over because it bores me.

I’ve become a lot more comfortable saying “I don’t know” when somebody asks me what I want to do with my career or when they ask what I want to do with my degree. “I don’t know” doesn’t mean I won’t figure it out. I’ve become much more comfortable in not always having the answers. What matters is that every day, I am a step closer to figuring out what it is that I love to do and I think I’m doing a pretty good job along the way.

I’m 21. I have time. I love all kinds of design. Creating feels good to me. Thats all I know.